I’ll admit it, I’m an extreme introvert. Not only am I uncomfortable in social settings, but I’ll usually go out of my way to aviod putting myself in such situations. It’s a psychosis that my wife, a textbook example of an extrovert, as well as most other extroverts just cannot fathom. Some would say that I don’t enjoy people, which isn’t the case. I very much enjoy relationships with others but I also fear the process of getting to know someone that well. I know, it’s a little strange.
I tend to open up to people very quickly electronically; maybe I’m afraid of the vulnerability of face-to-face communication, I’m not sure. Either way it’s very annoying to me (and I’m sure others sometimes). But, is this problem being worsened by my participation in online communities? Would I grow better in face-to-face situations if I didn’t have the excuse of communicating with people online? I’m not completely sure that I would due to the sheer number of social settings that I’ve been in compared to my relative comfort level in such situations. It’s an interesting question to ponder though for we introverts.
I’m not so much talking about the people from all corners of the Earth that you’ll likely never see, I’m talking about the people that live here, in my county and most of the time even in the same city as me. There have been several cases in the last few years where I’ve see someone that I’ve interacted with on a fairly regular basis electronically and I’ve felt very uncomfortable.
Here’s a real-world example. One of my Flickr contacts is a local woman who happens to be a pretty good photographer. She’s around my age and has a lifestyle that isn’t alltogether different from mine. A few months back I was in a local coffee bar and happened to see her across the room. I’ve never met her officially but we’ve communicated some online. Seeing her I was instantly afraid that I would be confronted in some way by her. I worried that she would want to talk about my photos and (gasp!) I would have to communicate! So, I spent the entire evening focusing more on avoiding a confrontation rather than focusing on having a good time with the people I was there with.
These types of situations don’t happen to me often (and I’m probably making it sound like a bigger problem than it really is) but nonetheless it does bother me. And I can’t help but wonder if I’m making the problem worse by being so involved in these online communities.
Do you have any similar, unjustified fears that you worry you’re promoting by your participation in online groups? I’d like to hear about them.
Online communities hurting "real" communities?
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3 responses to “Online communities hurting "real" communities?”
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Hey, Evan. Just passing through, after googling for blogs in the Richmond area. Excellent website/blog. Really good work.
I liked your ad for BSF, too. We’ll be starting up again in a few weeks. I’m looking forward to hitting Romans again.
Blessings to you and yours. -
I was searching the web for Agee’s and found your site. I am an Agee by birth and very proud of it. I like that so many Agee’s are talented. Makes me even prouder.
And about being an introvert. If you don’t want to be one I know a few of things you could try.
1. Try talking to a neighbor. Store clerk. Waiter/waitress.
A. Start out with a short greeting. (Good Morning, etc.)
B. Then small talk (your lawn looks great, what are you using? or You think it will rain this weekend? Have you tried the meatloaf special?)
2. Host small dinner parties. (4 to 6 guest)
A. Invite at least 2 people you (co-workers with spouse, or neighbors) you like but don’t know very well. And at least 2 people who know you very well and will cover for you if you can’t hang. (i.e. family members, best friends)
B. Make sure you and your spouse and or friends have some signals or code words set up in case you need help or they see you struggling.
3. Take a taxi ride and talk to the driver.
4. Ask for directions, even when you know where you are going. Any chance you get to practice will help.
You may never like social events but you will feel less stressed about going.
Good Luck -
Hey,
I have a similar problem. Mine is just a bit different however. I simply cannot talk to beautiful women. I’m not kidding, seriously. If I see a girl that is pretty cute but I don’t think about being with her in any way or don’t think I could ever date her then I can talk to her. If I see someone extremely beautiful and would love to be with them and get to know them better and I get butterflies and all of that, I cannot talk to her. It’s frustrating and weird. I also can’t talk to many strangers because I have a slight lisp and it’s only worse than should be because I have a tendancy to talk way too fast. I don’t stutter – I just talk very fast.
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